Update Your Picture

You know, you wake up one morning and you no longer have to go to the TV to turn the channel or ask your little brother to turn up the volume (which he never would do) because there's a remote to make our life easier. Then, there's my FAVORITE: you no longer have to use both hands to count--there's a calculator. These are small things but they made a big impact on our lives.

Suddenly, we were attached to our remotes, became couch potatoes, put on a few pounds, and even called dibbs on who would have the remote. The calculator saved us from racking our brains trying to add several numbers together, figuring out what 30% off an item would be and ultimately kept me from overspending when I went to the grocery store with only $25.00!!!! Wow! My life was elevated to what I thought was maximum performance.

In 1991 after my mother suffered yet another stroke, I went home to be with her for a few days. I saw her at the table adding about 6 figures together. As I watched her do it, I too started adding. I listened to her say 9 and 6 is 15 carry the one and so on. I immediately thought she should have a basic calculator to help her. I purchased one, gave it to her, and thought I was improving her life. Nope, she couldn't figure out how to use it. It remained in the box till the day she died.

I used to kid everyone and I mean everyone that she was too mean to die. Well, many strokes, conjestive heart failure, lympedema, and cancer (to name a few) took her home to be with her parents.

She pre-arranged the funeral part paying for the casket and limos. I called everyone and kept them on a string as the end drew near. The time came and the call for everyone to come was made. It was bittersweet.

You see, my relationship and that of my siblings was a love-hate one. Don't ask me why? Lord knows we all did our best to be the best child she could have. On one hand when you see your parent leaving you, you ultimately wish for more time. But that's the selfish part of us. The loving part would say it's your time, go home.

I did this. I talked to her even though she was in a coma. I talked to her and updated her on each and every child, grandchild, nephew, neice. And I finished up with this: I know your life has been tough, you raised 6 kids on your own all on an
8th grade education, your time has come and when you're ready go home, GO. We will be alright, well not immediately, but time will heal and we will hopefully see you again. She took me up on that at 5:30am the next morning.

My picture of my mother was not very pretty. Who would come to her funeral but her kids? We set up the visitation for 4:00pm to 8:00pm. The usual people showed up. The last and only sibling (her sister-my Aunt Jane), her children minus Elizabeth, and several grandkids.

We talked, shared, laughed and cried. The kids (my sister and brothers) arranged to meet at our favorite pizza joint at 8:15pm cause we knew things would be over even before the 8:00 cut off.

So around 7:30pm everyone headed to the pizza place to eat and I offered to stay and close up. I had some things I wanted to get off my chest. But then, some people wandered in. They were crying and I just couldn't figure out why. Are you in the right place? This is for Josephine. Yep, they were there to say goodbye to Josie, Jo, Gma Jo.

They started sharing stories of this woman that went from babysitting children, to feeding them, to wangling auto service for a cheaper price to acts of kindness that just blew my picture to pieces. Like the bible says, acts of kindness done in secret are the ones to be rewarded. I did not know this woman I called Mom.

When we buried Mom the next morning, it was raining. Have you ever carried a casket in the rain in 3" heels??? Not easy to do. We arrived at the cemetary and we waited for the hearse to come. Just as the hearse pulled up, the rain stopped and the sun came out. Do you see an intervention here? I did. It told me everything was going to be alright.

Morale(s) of this story and/or life: 1. If your mother is a good person, a good role model, shows kindness and acceptance, why wouldn't you want to be like her? 2. If you have dislike for someone, look inward and find out why. Ask yourself to be honest and leave pride and ego out of it. 3. If you only remember them for who they were two years, 6 months, or even a week ago, you need to update your picture--its out of date!! They could have had a revelation and totally changed on you overnight!
4. Probably the most important. DO NOT JUDGE!! In retrospect, I judged. I judged my mom continually. Matthew 7:1 says do not judge. Matthew 7:3 says why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye when you have a plank in your own. How can I rebound from all the years of judging her? Doing what she had to in order to survive, to raise 6 kids on her own, to make it into Jesus' arms. I know when I started this blog today I wasn't ashamed; however, I'm feeling very ashamed of my actions. I can only take solace in the fact that prior to her dying, I wrote her a letter telling her I was sorry for all my wrong doings. It helps but not 100%. And dispite my actions, she still LOVED me. Wow...Now that's a gift.