What to Say in Times of Loss

Loss is described as:  The condition of being deprived or bereaved of something or someone: mourning their loss.

In the past month we lost our dear grandson, Garrett and now my daughter and son-in-law have lost their grandfather with whom they were close.

In situations of loss, we turn into people with heavy hearts, puffy eyes, red noses, and most of all speechless human beings.  To people we know and love, we look at them and their pain and know that no matter what we say, it will not be enough to ease or take away their pain.  To people we are acquaintances of, it tends to be easier as the customary "I'm so sorry for your loss" satifies our need to console.

The recent loss of my grandson, Garrett, was a difficult and complexing time as this was my step daughter to whom this loss occurred.  When she called to tell me of Garrett's passing, I didn't know what to say as I didn't register it myself.  How could and why did this happen? 

As an older person with a few years of experience and lessons learned under her belt, I knew there were no words to say.  And so I said, Mindi, there aren't any words that I can speak that will ease your pain, there just aren't.  I wish I could take this pain for you......I'm so sorry.  And then silence. 

People listen to your words and register them and then dump them I think.  They can't handle much and realistically, they will hear those words from so many people.  But I think the tone in which it's communicated registers the sincerity and emotion of the person.

Now, my daughter Meg and husband, Steve have lost their grandfather.  They were close to him.  Fishing, July 4th week-long celebrations, Steve cutting wood for their home in the fall and many celebrations throughout the year.

Again, another daughter is in pain.  As a mother, and any mother knows this to be true:  You as a Mom will do anything to take away their pain and make it ok again.  Unfortunately, we cannot.

Just like riding a bike, we must get back on.  Like having a bad dating experience, we must get back in there, like losing a son, daughter, or spouse......we must re-enter the life of living after saying goodbye. 

At my mothers funeral, people streamed in telling me wonderful stories of what she had done for them.  The joy filled my heart and I realized that when we lay them to rest, we must celebrate their life and what they did and the joy they brought to everyone.  If we don't, what was the purpose of their life and being?  It is through this celebration of their life that we will take solace and heal from.  It is the memories that bring a smile to our faces and a warm feeling to our hearts.

And in the end, we are grateful that they blessed our lives and were here and now are blessing others in heaven.

For it is when our purpose on earth has been fulfilled that we are called home. 

I hope this is someway comforts someone.

With love