Difficult Month

I usually get my christmas tree out at the end of September and try to have it up by the end of October.  This year I just couldn't get engaged in the holidays.  We were unemployed in May, and with issues in the family, I just couldn't do it. 

Since marrying Martin, I had worked hard to show the girls what a home should be, what kinds of things you do for the holidays, etc.  But this year I didn't really want to put up a tree.  I just couldn't get excited about anything.

One day I decided I was just going to do the minimum.  Put up the little 3' tree on a table top and let it be.  Do the christmas get together and let it be.  I tried to tell myself since the kids are no longer at home, there wasn't the need to do as much. 

As I started picking up the boys' room from their stay, it came to me.  I needed to put up the big tree, decorate as I would and make the christmas season special.  For who?  The girls?  Nope, for the next generation.  My grandbabies!!!

I remember last year, with everything going on, I just put up the 3' tree on a table.  When my grandson Tucker came over for our christmas, he came in the door, promptly took off his coat dropping it where he took it off, and exclaimed "mommy, look at the christmas tree".  The excitement in his voice was joyous and that brought me back.

As a mom, educator, and role model,  I try to teach our children the ways of life.  With all five girls now married and in homes of their own, it is no longer necessary to do some things for them, and it's all about doing for those precious, beautiful and honest little grandchildren that I love so dearly.

Christmas was celebrated with a full house.  Everyone was in attendance.  Candice took pictures of the event, we ate, played cards, talked, and had a great time.  Have you ever tried to get 3 toddlers to look at the camera and smile all at the same time?  It is a challenge.  It is those very gifts that provide the little kinks in life and at gatherings that make life memorable.

These are my gifts (from left to right):  Bennett, Tucker, Gammi holding Jacek, Papa holding Elliot and Jonathan.  What a handsome bunch and that grandpa isn't too bad either.

I love you all......................Gammi

Blessings!!!?????!!!!!

For the last 11 days we have had my oldest daughter Carrie and her husband Roger and my two grandsons, Tucker and Bennett living with my husband and I.

You see, the heat in their house went out and for two days they struggled to stay in it.  It was only because I hadn't heard from her that I called and the story unfolded.  It's an ugly story of fraud, lying, deceit, dishonesty, despairation and frustration.

But my story is of hope, humility, love, memories, the pitter patter of little feet, discipline, and laughter.  On Tuesday, Dec 7th they moved in.  Roger is a hard worker and won't quit until his body physically shuts down.  Little Tucker is a handful but a beautiful one.  Ben is a surprise at every corner saying words and sentences you would expect from someone much older. Carrie herself displays determination, resilency, courage, strength, composure, and fraility all at once.

We've done so much stuff it's hard to start at any one place.  The boys would wake and Ben would go to Mommy and Tucker would come to Gami.  We'd go downstairs to find Papa already had the coffee made (thank you!!!!) and life was stirring in the house.  The usual questions, what's for breakfast, what would you like to drink, etc.

I like using every turn as a learning experience.  It gives me a connection to them and they learn something and I usually get a smile out of some of their responses. To see Tuck negotiate a few more mini donuts out of Gami was rewarding in that this scenario that I may have used as a kid is still alive and well.  

Teaching the boys to say grace, hold hands and think outside of the box, i.e., themselves and worldpeace and to add to the prayer keeping Daddy safe on the roads, healing our sick bodies, and bringing us back together again were started.   In addition, asking to be excused from the table, the time out chair, and the timer were used as tools. 

My daughter once said of me when I confessed my fear in being a grandparent, that I should raise them like I raised her.  I'm proud of her.  Not because of the way I raised her but what she's done on her own after my influence.  But many times, grandparents would rather just be their friends instead of discplinarians because our time with them is short and we don't want to step on the toes of mommy and daddy.

Tuck and Ben and I went to the grocery store (Cub) and spent 2.5 hours in there shopping, wishing people merry christmas, learning left and right, counting biscuit cans, and being the subject of much attention.

Memories......Ben and I made banana nut bread together, Tucker and I made a fort and played in it, and Tucker and Ben played games on Gami's computer.  Love the lap time and the chance to rub their backs, stroke their hair and kiss, kiss, kiss.  Very important.

Now one might say, 11 days!!!  Whoa, you weren't ready to kill each other.  No, why would I?  I love them.  Yep, I'm a mother in love with her daughter and son in law.  And a gami would loves those two little boys.  Sure, there were times when discipline had to be enforced but the blessings outweighed the discipline times.

Teaching them, loving them, and enjoying who they are--that's what its all about.  I frequently kid that I have a son in law who is a good hugger.  I believe that when you love, you truly hug.  Not those Minnesota nice hugs.  But truly hold each other.  Roger is an excellent hugger.

Friday night it started to snow and it snowed and snowed and snowed.  He went out plowing at 10:30pm and didn't come home until Sunday morning around 7:30am.  I was worried about him and when he didn't call...I kicked up the praying.  When I finally did see him, I told himhe was important to me and this family and that he should call because there are people who would miss him, namely me.  I started to cry.  He put his strong arms around me and hugged me and I cried.  He held me as I cried.  I knew I was loved because he waited until I was ready.  He kissed me several times and said I love you too.  That's hard for some men to say and to hear it from him was more special.

Friday night was promised to the boys to go out and see Christmas lights.  We did and it was realized that the Christmas spirit isn't alive and well.  There were many house without lights.  That can say many things.  I won't speculate.  But the boys were excited, look here gami, I see a Christmas tree, gami the moon is up in the sky, gami, gami, gami.  I don't think there will be a time when I will ever get tired of hearing that.  Yes, I hear it alot between the two of them but it is a sweet sound.

Friday also lead to the heat exchanger put in their house and Carrie indicated that they would be leaving.  Silently I cried.  To take people into your home can be an imposition, when it's family it shouldn't be.  It's a blessing that God brings us because he wants to, because the time is right and special memories will be made, and because we're family and we love each other.

Sure, it's our house and they are family but it doesn't mean that they feel comfortable or happy with it.  They're displaced, not in their own beds and their lives disrupted.  But we came together, helping as much as we could and making the best of it.  I loved it. 

Tomorrow will be a sad day for me because those little boys and that strong woman will leave.  But I have solice in knowing that although they wished to be in their own home, they gave me the best Christmas present--THEM!!!!!

My prayer is heavy:  Lord I pray that you would bind that family together with strength and love.  I pray that every time Roger goes out to plow or work in this weather that you keep him safe and warm and return him to his family who love him dearly.  I pray that you would keep his equipment working and allow him to get the sleep his body needs.  He's a hard worker.  Lord I pray for Carrie that you would give her the strength to continue to do what she does best.....mother, wife and friend.  Continue to work in her to show her your will for her.  Lord for those two precious boys who light up when they see their mommy and daddy, I pray for health and love and happiness that comes from knowing you and from being loved.

Carrie, Roger:  Thank you for the chance to have you here.  I love you both and love seeing what your relationship is growing into.  Please hang in there.  It will get better and you two are doing an awesome job.  Hold tight to each other.

Martin:  The sacrifice you made was immeasurable and can never be repaid.  Please know how much I love you and how proud that I can call you my husband.

Tucker, Ben:  Thank you for being special little boys, for challenging gami, for keeping me young and active and on my toes.  For the special memories we made and the smiles and love you gave me.  I will cherish this time always. 

With much love to you all....................

My Life's Lessons

You know, I've just about been through it all.  My parents fought like cats and dogs throwing things at each other and all we could do was duck.  I was abused and have little memories of my childhood.  I was mugged on the Army base where I was stationed.  Lost a child, have had three mini strokes (each one getting stronger), have suffered from insomnia for 14 years, suffer from chronic pain, and have arthritis in my neck, spine, hands, knees and feet.  Lesson #1:  All these things can be overcome and yes, you can have a great life!!

But one day while visiting a friend in the hospital, I asked the wife to join me outside for coffee (she looked like she needed a break).  As we sat at the table she asked me how I was doing and I proceeded to tell her.  Then I turned the tables and found out about her and her health issues.....wow!!!  Did I feel selfish!!  Lesson #2:  Someone always has it worse than you!

In 1991 my chronic chest pains started and it really made me stop and re-evaluate life.  My dad had died at 51 and I was only 38!!  I had three beautiful children and God said, Barb, start living and appreciating life, see my handiwork all around and in everything--I did it for you.  Lesson #3:  Take time to look at life--all of it!!

God made each of us the way HE wanted us to be.  Therefore, being God, he really did know what he was doing when he made me like me, my husband like him, my children who they are and my neighbors like they are.   My sister use to tell me "God created us differently so we would be unique but just enough alike to get along".  Lesson #4:  Variety is the spice of life.  People are the spices of life.  Indulge and enjoy!!!

p.s.  I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters.  Because my sisters are not quite like their siblings, they are not included with the rest of the family.  Sad isn't it? This happens more often than you may think.  Moral:  You are not to judge, that responsibility is given to ONE person and it isn't you!!!!  

People are continually rushing here and there.  On their lunch hours, they may be doing errands so they can go straight home to the family.  They may be rushing home to change clothes, pick up kids and go off to something at school.  In any case, we're ALL busy!!!  Lesson #5:  Take time to look around you at the world.  Did you see the sun setting?  Did you see the awesome display of art in the sky as you drove to work?  Ever wonder how that happens?

I use to be one of those who never thought about being a stay at home person.  What would I do.  I often wondered what stay at home moms did.  In 1997 I was given the opportunity by my husband to be just that.  What would I do?  Well, I can tell you it was a transition.  After about 6 months, my husband asked me if I was enjoying staying at home.  I told him, I don't know how I worked and did everything I was doing.  If you think that just because someone is a stay-at-home mom or they're unemployed, that they're doing nothing--think again!!!  Beds still need to be made, laundry needs to be done, groceries bought, dinners prepared, dusting, vaccuuming....it all takes time.  Lesson #6:  If you have someone cooking your dinner for you, doing your laundry, buying your groceries so you don't have to, please be appreciative.  They could probably use an ada boy or girl.


I'm a gardener and for years my family all wondered when it would stop.  Why would you want to stop something that brings you so much joy?!?!??!?  Sure, it's work...but in the end, it's a labor of love.  Weeding is therapuetic and gives me a sense of accomplishment.  It gives me time to be alone with my thoughts, talk and maybe hear from God, work through problems, and pray.  But seeing the things that He created and when they come into bloom, you can't help but stand there in awe!  Did you know that the petals on a daisy are not all the same?  Did you know that impatiens may look dainty but are actually very strong.  Once planted, you just water and leave alone --they'll do the rest.  Did you know that dandelions have two times each year when they will flower?  Lesson #7:  Really, take time to smell the roses, look at the flowers, play in the grass and roll in the leaves.

For the first three years of marriage I was told I was sterile.  No birth control and no children.  One morning, I was getting ready for work, had my uniform on and started out the door and that feeling came over me and I ran back for the bathroom.  Upon visiting the doctor, he told me my rabbit had died.  I didn't have a rabbit!!!  He told me I was pregnant.  I can't be, I'm infertile.  Nine months later, a beautiful blue eyed, blonde hair little girl came into my life.  I didn't know what to think or do with her.  But she was my best effort.   I know have three daughters and two step daughters.  They have given me 6 grandsons (all in a row)!!!  I try to make sure we see them as time and schedules permit.  Upon leaving town and returning, I'm ready for a grandbaby fix.  If God wanted us to go through life alone, would he have given us that gift of reproducing?  Of finding love?  Lesson #8:  Really, you've heard it a million times, FAMILY IS IMPORTANT.  All of your family.  Not just the ones you like, or the ones you get along with but all of them. 

After years of being who I wanted to be, God took charge and started changing me into who He wanted me to be.  This was easy but created some issues for me.  I learned and changed a lot.  The little things that use to stress me no longer concerned me as much.  Some examples:  my house NOW can be clean, can be tidy and doesn't need to be spotless.  If something is hanging from the ceiling or rolling around on the floor and it bothers you, do something about it!  When something is spilled, guess what?  It can be wiped up.  Flexibility is the name of the game.  Rolling along and being ready to help out.  Enjoying the ride and not complaining about the bumps.  Lesson #9:  Enjoy life and those in it.  The voice of my grandson Tucker, coming in the house and taking off his coat, seeing the Christmas tree and exclaiming "Mom, there's a christmas tree!"  It was said with the innocence and delight of a child.  We should all strive for that.

We didn't have a dog when I was growing up.  My oldest had three labs.  I wasn't too much of a dog person until they came to live with me.   It only took me several days before I found myself getting up early so I could take them out to potty and play with them.  These three dogs taught me an important lesson.  They were all labs but all had special personalities.  But they all got along and played with each other and enjoyed each other.  I found out that having a dog is probably one of the best things in life (besides chocolate and grandbabies).  They are the ONLY thing that will love you unconditionally.  Your husband, mother, sister, friend, cousin, basically a human being cannot do that. 

My husband realized after Bear Bear left us that I needed a dog.  The dog gave me a peaceful state of mind, I seemed more relaxed and was able to deal with my pain better.  So in Jan, 2009  we purchased a yorkie/llahsa mix.  Weighing in at 4.5 lbs she was adorable.  It didn't take long (oh not more than an hour) that she had made her way into our hearts and our bed.  This dog was sent to us from above.  He gave us the perfect dog at the right time.  She has kept us entertained, knows when I'm feeling bad, will keep my side of the bed warm, likes to cuddle up to me pushing me and my husband off the bed, loves to play fetch, loves to play ball in the snow and loves to ride with her head out the window.  She's amazing and giving.  She's our Mitzee. Lesson #10:  Unconditional love is hard to find, hard to give but always welcomed.  Love is awesome when used appropriately and given freely.  Try it, you might like it.

My last words of wisdom:  Expect nothing, you'll never be disappointed.  You get something you weren;t looking for, and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Merry Christmas to one and all.  I challenge everyone that this Christmas feeling, the time when we want to be better people, help more, give more etc.  Keep this feeling all year round, every single day and reap the rewards.   

Thanksgiving 2010

Thanksgiving came and with turkey, rolls, desert, drink and family the house was warm and cozy and filled with voices and people that create more memories for me.  

At this time, how can one not take stock of their life and be thankful?   I'm a firm believer that no matter what you have or how little you think you have, someone is worse off. 

As we go into our 7th month of unemployment, peace and joy fill not only our hearts but our home.  No, a job is not in sight.  But what we do have is each other, fairly good health, the love of each other, our God, and our children.  These things are riches to us and to others that I know, only wishes that they could have.

We don't have a job but we have a roof over our heads, a car to get us places and two feet to assist in that venture.

We don't know how things will turn out, if staying in Minnesota is an option, but we know that we are not alone in our quest.  So many Americans are unemployed at this time and we just joined another family to be with.  We also know that we do not walk this path alone, that our Heavenly Father is walking with us, guiding us and giving us the peace and direction that we need.

We just welcomed our fifth grandson, Jacek into the world and family.  What a cutie he is and rolling over at just 2 months.  His smiles are like his mother's that light up a room, he looks like his father and is a joy to all.

December is a tough month for me.  It is not only the month my mother was born in but the month she died in thereby tainting Christmas (which everyone who knows me, knows it's my favorite holiday).  My son in law's birthday is also on the same day as my mothers.  My fourth grandson went home to the Lord in December so it really is a busy month and one, that if you let it, will take you down into the pit.  However, I continue to be thankful that my mother gave to so many thereby making her a blessing to others.  My grandson showed me in 29 days the character he was made of and is now being caressed by his Heavenly Father, his great grandfather and other loved ones.

Life is difficult at this time, not because of being unemployed but it's that time of the year that with the holidays that really become a burden to people and they give in under the weight of it all.

So I choose to be thankful.  I live with chronic pain and insomnia, I have bursitis, and a hip that will need to be replaced.  Pain is very present in my life.  But what is more present is the desire to live each day, smile, enjoy life and to be appreciative for whatever I have.  And if I don't have something then God must not want me to have it.

So Lord, as we pass from Thanksgiving to Christmas and the birth of your son, I am thankful that you gave me another day to be a reflection of you, to see my girls, to see and take care of my grandsons, to return to the roots of parenting, to seeing my grandsons put tinsel on the tree, to answer many why? from Bennett, to hear Tucker say bless you papa as his grandfather sneezed, to hear Bennett ask Papa to make him a rocket, to walk with them and Mitzee and see them playing in the snow.  To talk with a woman in Caribou and learn that her mother died of breast cancer at 56.  To share a smile and receive a hug from her because I cared enough to stop and talk.  To being able to support my friends in their present circumstances.  To be able to take part in the day you have put before me never knowing what I will be called upon to do.

Thank you Lord Jesus for loving me.

You Can't Make Me........continued

Well, isn't life grand.  The Christmas tree is up and the new fangled LED lights have been wrapped this way and that.  As in my previous post, I was hoping that with garland, beads, and bulbs that the tree with its new lights would come together.

So in anticipation and apprehension, I quickly made tracks to getting the bulbs and accessories on the tree.  I waited patiently till evening came and turned on the tree.  Where are my ornaments?!??!?!  The LED lights totally wipe out the color of the bulbs!!!

So on a beautiful Sunday with the weather just as perfect as God could make it, I was stripping the tree of the LED lights and back to Target they went.  No regrets.  Someone else will have to support the economy.  I can't do it all.

On Monday, I will be putting the old lights back on and redecorating the tree................I should be a happy camper.

Saturday's Prayer

Heavenly Father

I need your help and guidance.  So much going on around me that I can't take care of and make right.  Lord, I pray that you would place your hand of comfort and strength on my daughter as she makes her way through murky waters.  Take her hand and guide her and let your will be done.

Father, I pray for protection over all 5 of my grandchildren and that you would walk closely with them showing your kindness and grace.

Lord, many relationships are struggling right now and I pray that you would open eyes and hearts and that as you have forgiven, so shall they.  We so often quote "life is so short" upon the untimely or unexpected death of someone, but we never do anything about it!

Lord, let us remember that this is but a temporary stop and that our true home is heaven and being with you on the streets of gold and in your glorious presence.  Show us how to be the person you want us to be and role model "love your neighbor as thyself."

Your son's birthday is around the corner and I'm anxious for it.  You have blessed me with beautiful children and sons-in-laws I could not have done a better job of picking.  Bless their marriages and mine as we move into another year.

I pray for employment for those who need it, restoration of health and healing for emotional and physical wounds.

I pray for our President and the next few years.  I pray that your hand would be on every decision made and that we can reclaim our country again.

Lord, as the days go by, we get closer to events that are hard on us.  First the birth of Garrett and then the death of not only my mom but then Garrett and then the birthdays of both my mom and Chris.  This is a difficult time Lord and I pray that you would have your hand of comfort and healing on us.

I humble myself before you Lord, knowing that you gave your only child for me and my sins.  I do not feel worthy but then again, as most parents do, you also make the sacrifice of yourself for us.  Thank you Jesus, for being my comforter, leader, rock, ear, confidante, Father and most of all my friend that I can come to any time or day.  I love you.


Barbara

p.s.  Say hi to Mom and Dad and Garrett and Harry and Betty and John.

Changing Another Person's Mind

My relationship with my sister, Elizabeth, has been a strange one but in the past years with hard work on both our parts, I have come to enjoy the quirky person she is and abound in love and joy that she is my sister and who she is.

One thing that I thought very strange about her, however, was that even though she was a dedicated christian, she never decorated for Christmas.  I'd tell her about the weeks of decorating and she'd just say "it's no big deal, why do so much?"  I kept to my course as I have always been comitted to it.

It wasn't until about 4 years ago, she couldn't stand it.  What is it about Christmas that you love so much and decorate your heart out for?  Well, let's see.....where to start....

1.  I always use WHITE lights because to me it stands for pureness, love, hope, peace and the light of God.

2.  I use red bulbs because red is my favorite color, looks good with the white lights and represents the blood of Jesus.

3.  I decorate because Christmas is the birth of Christ and that to me is a very good reason.  To show him he is not forgotten and to celebrate and to show respect.  Also, to celebrate the sacrifice his birth was to us.  When we celebrate a child's birthday, we get a cake, decorations and gifts, why not this? 

She remained quiet for a long time.  She said she loved me and would call later.  Later was about 10 days.   She called crying because she said she had never thought of it that way and what an injustice she had been doing all these years.

Changing someone's view on something can be done when it is spoken with the heart, with honesty and love.  God must have shown her I was right and therefore she realized she may have made a mistake.  It's ok to make mistakes, it's that we realize that and take appropriate action.

Elizabeth:  Thank you for being my sister.  How I love how we have come together as sisters, each enjoying our own quirkiness and still being able to share and love each other.

Merry Christmas

YOU Can't Make Me....................well..........maybe

I love Christmas.  It's my favorite time of the year.  I would spend weeks just putting up the tree because there are so many branches!!!  I would painstakingly put the lights on making sure every nook and cranny had a light.  When it was turned on and it shone the brightness and glory of God, I knew it was right.  The lights had a soft, white look to them and every time I looked at the tree I was infused with something, joy, gladness, peace.

Last year, LED christmas lights came out.  I'd see them on the houses in the icles and think, "that's just wrong."  I can't do those. 

So several days ago, I got the tree up and started on the light experience.  Plugging in each strand to make sure they worked BEFORE putting them on the tree.  Now, these were my favorite lights because all I had to do was walk around the tree and lay them gently on the branches and wha la, within 5 minutes I'm done and the tree is looking good.

So, I realized that I only had half a tree of lights.  Yuk.  What to do.  So I went to Menards, Lowes and Joanns looking for lights.  The section dedicated to my lights was about 6 feet.  The section dedicated to LED was 300 feet.  Wow....tells you where retailers are going and that they're cutting back this year.

When Candice came I dragged her to Wal-Mart, nothing and then Target as frustration kicked in.  While we examined the selection of LED (white) lights, we decided that the warm white was what we wanted.  So reluctantly, Candice and I stocked up on LED lights. 

Friday they went up on the tree.  As I started putting them on, I remembered the days past of wrapping each branch to fullness and making sure it was done right.  As I remembered I grumbled a bit but I kept wrapping, wrapping, wrapping around the tree I was wrapping, wrapping, wrapping.

Upon getting finished, I invited the neighbor, Jimmy, to come and turn them on.  His Mom had told me that he looks for my tree and knew Christmas was around the corner.  He also warned me each and every time there was a woodpecker on the house, returned Mitzee many times and is the designated food messenger between his house and mine.  So with a gift and a card, I asked him to come and do the honors.

They went on and my mouth went down.  They look nothing like the warm white lights in the store.  So to look to the bright side (no pun intended), I am hoping that with bulbs, garland, and LOTS of tinsel, I can get the warm and cozy look I know and love.

But I've joined the boat on the LED front, supported the economy and made an 8 year old boy very happy.  Isn't that what it's all about?

Merry Christmas.........it's only 48 days away!!!

Contentment

For the last several weeks, my heart  has been filled with joy and overwhelming contentment.  Here we are, unemployed  and we are at peace with the job loss and knowing that God is with us and softly guiding us.

Just driving down the street brings joy as I look around and take in all that God has made and the beauty it brings to my life.

Being outside with Mitzee on a beautiful day, watching leaves fall straight down to the earth, or swing from side to side, or float gently and come to rest on the ground is beautiful.  There's a certain grace and calm in it.  And when you add the fact that  you are loved by so many and have been blessed with much, you think "it just doesn't get any better than this."

We know as the leaves fall that summer has ended, fall is present, and winter is waiting its turn around the corner.  How thoughtful God was in giving us four seasons to enjoy, be amazed by, thankful for and to look forward to. 

I, for one, take in every day and everthing God has made and marvel at the thought and planning and effort he put into everything.  Amazing!

Enjoy!

October 23, 2010

I don't know why but at this time in my life I find things going out of whack.  People acting strangely, doing hurtful things, it seems like the world is out of control and I know, for me personally, I'm ready to go to my final home.

As I posted on my other blog, I find it necessary to post it here also:  Some good advice to be shared and followed, if you so choose:

"Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments because you know they produce quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful."

It Was a Good Day

I love Wednesdays, don't know why, I just do.  While reading the bible and listening to noises outside, I wonder how God came up with all these things. 

I watch the leaves gently fall to the ground and look at the oranges, yellows, reds, greens, and browns in the back yard and wish everyone could feel what I feel in my heart.  Amazement and love.  Wow!!!

I started cleaning and and trying to organize Candice's old bedroom upstairs.  I love cleaning and tossing out and feeling lighter.  Not having so much clutter to bog you down physically and emotionally.  When I got to Meg's room, I kinda threw up my hands cause it's still full but I know once she's back from Arkansas and Missouri, it will be taken care of.

I spent a fair amount of time on the phone with my daughter.  She suffers from many things, as of late, unexplained stomach pain that when she gets an attack, it cripples her and sends her to bed.  Here's where it gets tough, she also suffered from abuse, depression, desertion by her father, and at one time, tried to take her life.  As a Mom, I was not proud of myself.  As a parent, we are here to love, nurture, guide, support and protect.  I had failed.  Night would come and I would wonder if she would be awake in the morning. 

Anyway, I was trying to explain the mechanics of life.  I gave advice which parents can do, should do, and want to do.  After all, we've come 57 years and seen and done a lot, who better would know?  Not the child.  She hasn't been through what we have, therefore, I have the edge (sometimes).

I digress.  After talking to her, I made lunch and Martin and I sat outside eating with Mitzee. I looked around, took in my husband, my dog, my life and thought:  it can't get any better than this....well, maybe a job but all in all, I'm content, appreciative and happy.  I went about my day. 

I knew Carrie had an interview at 2:00pm.  At 4:00pm she called so excited because she had just spent 90 minutes talking to the interviewer about their faith.  We talked and shared and it's amazing how many times she said to the interviewer, my Mom has said that same thing.    I must be saying something right. We talked about God, the bible, going to church, why we go to church, and she said something that was right on.  When she left that interview, she was so uplifted.  Isn't that wonderful!!! She had a first hand, unbiased experience of what God is trying to give her.  She loved it!!!  She was elated and happy when we got off the phone.

After dinner, I hit up Cub for a few groceries.  Why, at 7:30pm are there only 4 check out lanes, and why is all of Minesota shopping at that time?  But little did I know, it was God's plan.  Because the lines were so long, extra help was called forward and who should appear but my son-in-law Steve.  I got a hug, got my groceries checked, talked and caught up...it was a good thing.

As I drove home, I took stock of my life....God has blessed me with beautiful and giving children.  A husband who treats me like a queen and always thinks of me first.  A dog that is obsessed with the chuck it (thank you Candice) and loves uncondionally.  Five grandsons that are as beautiful as the stars in the sky.  All in all, it was a good day.

Can't wait to see what Thursday brings.....love to all

Why Don't We Notice

Tonight at church, the pastor shared with us about a young woman who has twice now (the second being last week), tried to take her life.  We prayed for her as a church and I started to weep and recall all the people I had lost to that ugly deed.

My next door neighbor took her life leaving behind two small children.  A young and talented Air Force man with a wife and two children also took his life.  There are more.  At the beginning on my menopause, I too suffered with these dark thoughts because I knew if I could just make it all go away it would be alright. 

I would crawl into bed armed with my drugs and cry.  I just wanted to be normal, to be right, sane.  I didn't want to have to imprison myself in the house because I didn't know if I was going to be  a good or a bad person in public.

I started thinking about the whole process.  Why is it that we don't see the signs?  Is it because we're out of touch with that person, they hide it well from others?  I know how that woman felt.  At the end of her rope, no other choice, helpless and hopeless and no one able to help--you're all alone and it's up to you. The pain she and those in that situation are faced with is unimaginable.  You are the answer or so we think.  Couple of pills and it'll be quick and easy.  We think, maybe, those who know what I'm going through will understand.  Will they? 

I can only hope that this woman has the family that I did that helped me through my difficult time.  My daughter, Carrie, left work to come and be with me at home until my husband came home.  Meg would come home and she'd ask how I was and instantly be able to read me and know what I needed.  Candice would always give me that beautiful smile that warmed my heart and told me she had a beautiful heart.  My husband went through total hell with me and my menopause and he stood by me day after day, trying to love this impossible woman, this woman who would push him away and say and do ugly things.  It truly was a fire of enormous size. 

As I think about this woman, myself, and others that have passed in my life, I know that if I had not had the relationship with those I love and helped me I probably would not be here today.  Please remember to take stock of your relationships and treasure them.

We Will Always Want Approval

When growing up and even up to the point when I found out my mother was dying, I knew in the end, there was only one thing I needed--her approval, her acceptance of me.  For a while after she died, I was still trying to get it.  After counseling, I realized the only approval I ever really needed was my heavenly Father's.

On Wednesday, I went to the State Fair Grounds with my husband to watch Meagan compete in the Championship Show (forgive me Meg, if I get some details wrong).  She was crowned Queen of her saddle club (NWSC) and was now competing against 19 other queens to be queen over the state.

We watched the contestants warm up their horses going through patterns, backing up, trotting, walking and stopping.  Meg rode around and around just collecting herself.  She would smile and look over at us and wave. 

She took time to help a contestant in the middle of the ring with her 4 year old who had never competed.  She ended up getting off her horse, removing her reigns and passing them to the  young lady for her to use.  She stood there assisting and advising the young lady, until the horse performed what the young lady wanted it to do.    Meg remounted and rode off.

The royalty as they were called competed in a number of different exercises.  As I watched Meg, I recalled watching her ride several years ago and how far she had come.  Once timid and afraid to go fast, now kicking and encouraging Checkers to go faster (and how he loves to go fast)!!!  We watched with baited breathe as she performed her exercise and then waited to see if she would give a wave to the crowd.  She did.  Whew!!  Good job.  I was proud.



Taking Meg to Missouri to college

 I recalled her starting horsey school.  She wanted it so badly and she knew that living would be penny to penny, paycheck to paycheck, but she didn't care.  She loved being with her horses. 

She worked hard at school, I know, I worked a couple shows with her and I don't know how she stayed on her horse and AWAKE!!

She graduated with her degree and yes she gained approval of everyone.  Good thing her boyfriend, Steve, was also a horsey person. Then she took a job in North Dakota working with a trainer.  She learned alot, got paid didly but soaked up everything she could.  Upon her return to Minnesota, she had numerous jobs but the one that always remained constant and that gave her joy was her riding.

She worked Checkers and to see what she can do with just a whistle, a cluck, a kissing noise, is amazing.  I watched this child with joy, and pride and overwhelming love in my heart.  She was riding to perfection.  Her last exercise was riding in the middle of six poles as fast as you can and turning the horse and racing back through those six poles without knocking any over or you were disqualified.  As she turned Checkers and started racing back, one of the poles started swaying, and it tittered and tittered and tittered faster and came to a firm stand again whereupon, Meg, who had finished the run watched and with exhiliration, raised her hand in the air and grinned as big as Texas as the pole stood up.  We were all on our feet, clapping, hollering, whooping.....I was so proud.  I was happy for her.  These were her accomplishments, no one else's.  Our approval came when she turned on her horse, made a heart with her two hands, smiled and exited.  I had my approval.

Sending Meg off to college

Her approval will come from the points earned on each exercise, the time she volunteered around the show, the essay, interview, etc and other work put into this event.  With 20 queens wanting to be state queen, it will be interesting.  But in the end Meg, if you don't win, you are a winner in my book and already queen of my heart and those who know you and love you. 

Good luck on Sunday......we're rooting for you!!!

Love Mom and Martin

Focus!!!

Don't think about how short you've come up but rather how far you've come because of what Christ did for us.  Check your focus!!  Are you living by faith in Christ or trying to live up to the demands and expectations of others???

Good stuff.

Sunday's Words of Wisdom

Temptation is not a sin.  It's what you do with temptation that can be.

Prejudice

Today while reading, I came across something that struck a cord.  It said "prejudice grows out of personal pride--believing that oneself is better than others".

I would like to offer that although this is true, the judgement that people don't act as WE think they should also lends to believing that oneself is better than others.

Ponder this and get back to me.

Get Over It--Cherish It!!!

I became a grandmother with the first grandson, Tucker.  Coming from a family of 5 girls, I naturally assumed girls would continue on, it's all I knew. 

After much thought, I realized God was taking me out of my comfort zone (things I already knew well) and exposing me to the other side--boys!!

So Tucker came and that really was a learning experience.  He was so cute and remains so.  But the learning came quickly in Target one day.......lesson:  change quickly and always keep things covered for both your sakes!!

Then Bennett came.  Cute and round, solid.  Then Jonathan--piercing blue eyes, blonde hair with a twirl.  Garrett came along and was so beautiful to the very end.

Now, with two sisters pregnant and their cousin pregnant ALL AT THE SAME TIME, I was thinking since my exposure was vast, a girl would come along. 

Carrie, their cousin had her ultrasound first and it was a girl--nice but not in my immediate field.  Shelli had hers next and it was another boy.  Mindi was my last chance.  She had her ultrasound on July 15th.  I waited patiently all day as she said she thought it would be between 8:15 and 10:00.  Later that day, she callled.  It's a boy.

How can this happen?  I don't know!!!  Five girls all producing boys.  Are they not eating enough sugar to produce the spice of life--girls!!!   I mean, let's face it, we are the spice in life not just a helpmate you know.

Anyway, after much thought I began to realize that the desire for a girl was what I thought Shelli and Mindi wanted and I wanted it for them.  In reality, I just wanted more grandbabies and healthy ones at that.

So in the end, the result was this:  Boys, girls, God is in control and his plan is the ultimate plan and is always right on target and timing.  Since my girls produce beautiful babies, who's going to complain whether it's a boy or a girl, we're appreciative that they can have children and that they are good people to be good mothers.

Thank you God for these five women, they are truly a gift from you.

Once You.......

Look to the Lord and his strength and seek his face always!

******  Once you accept Jesus into your life you are no longer living for you but for Him!!

******  Once you accept Jesus into your life you no longer view people through your eyes but through His!!!

******  Once you accept Jesus into your life you are a new CREATION and the old has died and you need to operate differently

******  Once you accept Jesus into your life you need to be an ambassadors for Christ, showing his love and grace to others as He showed it to you!!!

******  Taste and enjoy!!

Always!!! Really???

Hasn't it happened to all of us.  We find ourselves in a situation where we need to defend ourselves and we say "always".  I always say I love you, I always wear my seatbelt, I always this and that.  Makes us sound so perfect.

But I'm thinking that always shouldn't be in the dictionary.  And maybe even the word never.  I would never do that, I would never use that word, I would never judge. 

Here's another word: promise.  I promise I'll call you as soon as I get home, I'll get that to you, I promise and the most fatal (to a child)  I promise I'll do this or that.  hmmmmm

I had the promise word used on me so many times during my childhood from my father.  My oldest daughter had it used on her all the time by her father. 

Truth is:  you shouldn't pull out the promise word unless you absolutely 100% can fulfill it!!!  It disappoints, it hurts, it leaves a bad taste, and it changes what people (and children) think of you.

No matter how hard we try to always, never, and promise, we will always slip up.  And we are only as good as our word.  In the old days, our word was indicative of our character which was as good as gold.

So:  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  You need to be a good reflection because you never know what little eyes are watching, listening, absorbing, learning, and will subsequently try it out!!!  But also for people in general wondering what kind of person you are.

Good luck.

Wealth

Whoever loves money never has enough money
  whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.

Always Ready

God is always ready to forgive, but we must then live with the consequences of our actions. 

Ahhh Revelations

Today as I was speaking with my daughter, I started to cry.  It actually hurts very much to truly love someone with all your being.  Unfortunately for me, that is how I love.

My daughter spoke volumes of wisdom as she processed the revelations she had (that by the way, were provided by God and friends). 

I was crying for many reasons:  Revelations that pushed her and her life in another direction
Revelations that we all make mistakes.  Revelations that relationships take work each and every day.  Revelations that being loved and giving love away is a wonderful thing.  Revelation that forgiveness is at our discretion and should be used frequently.

In our today world, it's so easy to toss a relationship by the way side.  As it is with marriages, when one individual feels they are not being treated nice, not loved enough or the way they want, they aren't being given the proper amount of attention, etc., the marriage is tossed by the way side.  What are we doing people?????

Wake up!!!  Take a stand for your relationships and love freely and deeply.  Forgive and move on.  You're wasting precious time that you could use to deepen and strengthen ALL relationships.

With love
Barbara

p.s.  To my children, Carrie, Michelle, Mindi, Meagan and Candice:  Please know how much I love you and that I am proud of the person you have become and will develop into.

To my husband:  Thank you for loving me the way you do and know that you, too, are my pride and joy.

To my other family and friends:  Know that I love you and thank you for being in my life and being a blessing to me.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Whoever loves money never has enough money
  whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.

Words to Help You Live

Your life is only as good as the choices you make

Keep expectations low--or you'll always be disappointed.

Expect nothing--you'll never be disappointed.  Should you get something, you'll be pleasantly surprized.

It Is Finished

On Monday evening as Martin and I watched tv, my cell phone rang.  Not recognizing the number but knowing the area code I picked up immediately--it was Maureen.

"I have some bad news" she says, "Harry passed away at 1:30pm this afternoon."  I went into the office and heard the details, cried a little, tried to be supportive.  However, Maureen had it pretty much together until she talked about shipping his body back to Illinois.  She lost it ever so briefly and like a warrior, regained composure and finished.  I cried.

When Harry first got diagnosed with melanoma 2 years ago, they were both positive.  A trip to the Mayo in Jacksonville, FL turned in to a 3 week stay, with several surgeries under both armpits and with him leaving with not one but three drainage tubes out of him.

All during this time, he was upbeat and positive about the outcome.  Upon returning to the Mayo and finding that there were more tumors and another surgery was required, he still remained optimistic and Harry being Harry was kidding with the nurses, and cracking jokes, and making people smile and laugh.

He entered the Moffitt Cancer Institute for a more holistic approach which was determental and after 6 weeks was released from the program as the tumors had tripled in number and back to the normal route of chemo and radiation therapy.  Still Harry was positive.

It wasn't until this past February when they were attempting to get him into yet another trial that I saw this man not have anything positive but then it really wasn't negative either.  He had to pass 5 tests in order to be accepted into another trial for his type of cancer.  He had passed four and was awaiting the results of the 5th. 

I called to let him know I was coming to Florida and did he have the results yet, and being optimistic myself I waited for him to speak.  He said, I can't get into the trial.  The cancer is in my brain.  It's not good.  Again, a loss for words on my part.  What are you going to do, he said. 

From here he went into an aggressive chemo and radiation therapy every day for 4-5 hours.  He ended up with colitis for 12 weeks and lost an enormous amount of weight. 

Upon arriving in Florida and arranging a time when I could come and see them, I was shocked to see his appearance.  He had lost alot of weight, hair, his eyes were sunken, he spoke softly and slowly and he walked even slower.

He rose to give me a kiss and a hug.  We talked until I felt I had overstayed my visit.  That was the last time I saw Harry.

I've seen numerous loved ones eaten away by cancer.  My mother, my grandfather, my uncle, and numerous friends.  I hate cancer.  Cancer of any type, colon, breast, cervical, whatever--it is EVIL!!!! 

We have got to get a handle on this disease.  It is killing thousands per year.  If we can cure polio, why can't we find a cure for cancer???

Lord, I pray that Harry is in heaven with his mom and dad and although somewhat sad that he had to leave his precious Maureen behind, that he is much happier and healthier.  Lord, watch over Maureen and provide comfort and peace and friends to support her until she can be reunited with her Harry.  

In a Nutshell

The righteous detest the dishonest;
  the wicked detest the upright.

Thursday's Wisdom

Turn to me and have mercy on me
  as you always do to those who love your name.

Direct my footsteps according to your word;
  let no sin rule over me

Accountability 101

So I'm driving home from getting two new tires on the car.  Almost ready to make my turn.  I've been riding beside, behind, in front of (that should have been a clue) a Lee Country Sherriff's car.  Finally I see his lights go on and I pull over.

Normally, I'd be upset and shaking but this time was different. He came to the passengers side of the car,  reached in and played most of the time with Mitzee while he talked to me.  Was he trying to develop a relationship with her?  She wasn't driving?!?

Anyway, he said he saw the seatbelt not being worn and since I had just left the tire place, I chose not to wear it.  So I gave him the license, registration, and insurance cards and he goes away.

I take time to read in my book (multi-tasking).  He returns to play again with Mitzee and give me a ticket for not wearing the seatbelt.

I get home and throughout the day I'm just going about my business.  I'm not upset about the ticket or worried about telling Martin.  I don't understand how Meg and Martin can get stopped and get warnings and I have this cute dog that he played with and I get stuck.

But the truth of the matter is, that God was trying to stick me.  Trying to make me come up the plate and be accountable.  It's so easy to play the victim.

Truth is:  We're suppose to wear our seatbelts.  There are rules for our benefit and safety.  There are consequences to our choices and actions.

So, I wasn't upset because:
  1.  Wearing the seatbelt is the law--I didn't--ergo, I got the ticket.
  2.  I chose not to wear the seatbelt--to take the chance I wouldn't get caught--and I did.
  3.  It was time I became accountable.  How can I tell others the right thing to do when I'm not doing it.  What does that say about me?

So, I have the ticket, I thanked him quite enthusiastically and left.  I keep it in the visor so I can see it and it can be a constant reminder to me.  It's the law, Barbara, click it.

Sunday after church I was talking to the people next to me about it and he told me this joke:

A man was driving on the highway and he gets pulled over.  He can't understand it.  Everyone else was going as fast as he was and he got caught.  I was going with the flow of traffic he says.  The cop gave him a ticket. 

So the cop asks if he ever goes fishing.  Man says yes.  Cop says:  do you catch a lot?  The man says I catch one or two.    There you go.

I'm really glad that it happened.  I got caught, ticketed and now I won't do it again.  And if I ever think about not putting it on, I'll look at the visor, see the copy of the ticket and click it.

It really is quite liberating just to do what's right and not have to worry about being in the wrong or getting caught and constantly looking over your shoulder.

That's it for now.  Got to pay my $109 seatbelt ticket and get it in the mail.


p.s.  I do want to know why he asked me what I was doing in Florida though?????  I really had to bite my tongue on that one.  The mind was going off in so many directions with ideas.

Tuesday's Wisdom

 A fool gives full vent to his anger
  but a wise man keeps himself under control.


Discipline your son and he will give you peace
  he will bring delight to your soul.


Do you see a man who speaks in haste?
  There is more hope for a fool than for him!

A Letter to Mom

Dear Mom

Today is Mother's Day and another year without you.  So many things to say so here goes.

Mom, I'm sorry.  While growing up, we didn't make things easy for you.  You were trying to raise the last four kids on your own and work and keep a roof over our heads on one income. 

It is only NOW that I realize what you were going through and what you were feeling.  The desperation you must have felt when not having enough money to pay all the bills.  How tired you were after coming home from the third job.  How much pain you were in from all your medical problems.  I'm sorry I didn't understand back then.

I'm sorry that I said hurtful things to you. I'm sorry for the times I disappointed you because I thought of myself first instead of you.  I'm sorry that our relationship wasn't the best. 

I know now that when I acted up, it stressed you out even more.  How thoughtless of me. 
I know now that you did love us in your own way.  The extra hours of working so we could have skating lessons.
I know now that you worked hard for us, gave all that you could for us and I'm sorry I didn't appreciate it then, but I see better now.
I'm appreciative for the way you handled the car accident and you didn't yell at me.  Really grateful for that!!!

All in all, I see my childhood better and although a difficult one, I see and know more things that make me feel better.

I know now how you felt when we all got married and moved away.  Lonely.

I know now that you were a strong woman, working tirelessly for us.  Your determination and grit were passed on to us, thank you.

The kids are doing ok, more beautiful babies coming, Martin working lots and hard, everyone married now.

I'm doing good...carrying on with the medical issues.  Trying not to let them get me down or impact me when I'm around people.  The garden looks good.

Till next year Mom.

Love Barb

How Will You and I Finish?

Everyone has (maybe not) the story of the dash and how that little dash between the date you were born and the date you died represents your entire life and question yourself and ask:  What will my dash show of me when I am gone?

So today I was reading and came upon the statement:  Stop judging by mere appearances and make a right judgement.

Judements are so easy to do.  You're sometimes doing them without even realizing you are.  There's the obese person, the person sitting on the side of the road asking for money or work, there's the young person with spiked red or blue hair, there's the young lady with numerous piercings, or the young boy with really long hair.  Even getting out of bed can be a judgement as we look at the weather and comment.

Stopping this behavior isn't easy and takes constant effort just as waking up and going to a job you dislike.  It requires looking at ourselves internally and objectively and saying:  I'm not perfect so who am I to judge?

It  requires looking at our behavior and asking what can I do to be a better person?  It means being HONEST with ourselves and making right judgements about ourselves no matter how ugly it may be--the point is to turn it around.

In 1998, I realized I was an ugly person and needed to change.  I'm constantly evolving and trying to be the best person I can be.  Why? 

1.  Because I want to be a good person

2.  Because I want to role model for my children and grandchildren

3.  Because my husband deserves the very best person/wife

4.  Because our world is such an ugly place right now, it needs a few good people

5.  Because when doing something nice for someone, it can solicit a smile and that in turn brings warm fuzzies.........yummm

6.  Because people gravitate to good people, not bad.

7.  Because I want to!!!!!

As I slowly?????  turn the years over, and I'm praying there's a lot more, I'm hoping that what I'm doing will be seeded in others thereby causing an epidemic of good people.

I'm hoping that when I die, that I will finish strong, with no regrets, and a full heart. 

I'm hoping that when I die, that my family and friends will know that they have been loved by me, that I couldn't have asked for anything more in my life and that truly LOVE is the best gift of all.

So if you would like, please respond to this blog and let me know what I can do to improve on me which in turn will be passed to you.

Love to all

An Awesome and Orderly God

God's accuracy may be observed in the hatching of eggs.  For example:


-the eggs of the potato bug hatch in 7 days;
-those of the canary in 14 days;
-those of the barnyard hen in 21 days;
-the eggs of ducks and geese hatch in 28 days;
-those of the mallard in 35 days;
-the eggs of the parrot and the ostrich hatch in 42 days. (Note that they are all divisible by seven, the number of days in a week and God's perfect number!)


The lives of each of you may be ordered by the Lord in a beautiful way for His glory, if you will only entrust Him with your life. If you try to regulate your own life, it will only be a mess and a failure. Only the One Who made the brain and the heart can successfully guide them to a profitable end.


God's wisdom is seen in the making of an elephant.. The four legs of this great beast all bend forward in the same direction. No other quadruped is so made. God planned that this animal would have a huge body, too large to live on two legs. For this reason He gave it four fulcrums so that it can rise from the ground easily.

The horse rises from the ground on its two front legs first. A cow rises from the ground with its two hind legs first. How wise the Lord is in all His works of creation!


God's wisdom is revealed in His arrangement of sections and segments, as well as in the number of grains.


-Each watermelon has an even number of stripes on the rind.
-Each orange has an even number of segments.
-Each ear of corn has an even number of rows.
-Each stalk of wheat has an even number of grains.
-Every bunch of bananas has on its lowest row an even number of bananas, and each row decreases by one, so that one row has an even number and the next row an odd number.
-The waves of the sea roll in on shore twenty-six to the minute in all kinds of weather.


All grains are found in even numbers on the stalks, and the Lord specified thirty fold, sixty fold, and a hundredfold - all even numbers.


God has caused the flowers to blossom at certain specified times during the day, so that Linnaeus, the great botanist, once said that if he had a conservatory containing the right kind of soil, moisture and temperature, he could tell the time of day or night by the flowers that were open and those that were closed!


Thus the Lord in His wonderful grace can arrange the life that is entrusted to His care in such a way that it will carry out His purposes and plans, and will be fragrant with His presence.


Only the God-planned safe life is successful. Only the life given over to the care of the Lord is fulfilled.


I hope you learned something new and may God bless you in ways you never dreamed of today! 

Wisdom for Thursday

In John 6, Jesus asks Philip "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?"  Philip was being tested by Jesus.  He already had a plan.

Andrew spoke up, "here is a boy with 5 small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"

Morale of the story:  We are never too old or too young to be used by Christ.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is May 9th and also my oldest daughters birthday. 

I've never been a big fan of mother's day, I'm thinking it had a lot to do with my relationship with my own mother.  Buying a card and perhaps a gift.  The cards all saying things like you've been so good to me, you were always there for me, you supported and encouraged me and gave me everything.  This wasn't my mother.

When I became a mom, I was terrified.  I didn't know what to do with Carrie--she couldn't tell me anything in the beginning but eventually she found her voice and now she tells me everything.

Mother's Day would come and the husband and kids would go out and buy a card.  Did they do it because they wanted to or because it was customary to do? 

I don't want people to do things just because it's customary, I want them to do things for me because they want to.  They know that there's no other reason but out of love and desire to please.

One year, I came home from church with Martin and found a plant and a small card from Shelli.  What a surprize as I didn't know she would do that for me.

Another year, Candice surprized me with a gardening book.

These are all things that were done freely on their part and I can't tell you how much they meant to me.  It showed their heart.  What we do for others is a clear indication of our heart and our feeling for others. 

So on Mother's Day this year, I'm thinking I'm going to be alone with Martin in Minnesota.  But I'm not going to be alone. 

As I was talking to Brenda and Jay at the dog park, they asked me what I was going to do for Mother's Day.  I told them I was going to go to Cracker Barrell and indulge in pecan pancakes.  Brenda said, I don't have a mom, can I come?  Jay said, I like Craker Barrell, can I come?  We can be your kids for the day.

Today, Sheila, Robin and Dylan asked if they could come.  I can't tell you how loved I felt by people coming around me and wanting to share time with me.

It's these actions that I most remember and keep stored.  The unselfish acts of kindness.  It doesn't get much better than that.

Love to everyone who has given unselfishly to me.  For loving me as I am, for being patient when I ask the same question twice or don't understand how to do something.  For understanding my health issues and being compassionate about them, for helping me when needed, for holding me when I cry, and most of all for praying for me.

To my daughters who are mothers, may you always cherish the time you spend as a mom.  It's a good job, not always rewarding, but always a good job. 

May you stand tall and tough as the little ones forge into their own person, testing the waters with actions and language.  May you stand united with your husband as the teen years come on you and you want to pull your hair out.  May you remember that through the years, God is constantly pulling and stretching the umblical cord so that when they graduate it tears.  May you remember when they find their way into the world on their own, that they are still going to need you and you them.

And as they grow older and make good decisions, you will become more and more proud of them as individuals.  As they step off the narrow path, may you take the time and pray for them. 

And lastly, may you always tell them you love them no matter what.  They can get mad at you, they can fight with you, they can sometimes say hurtful things, but you will always love them!!  And that, no one can take away.

Happy Mother's Day.