Craziness

So here it is Black Friday. Supposedly the biggest shopping day of the year....The day everyone waits for so they can get all those good deals.

Back in the day, we never had Black Friday. We bought what we thought the kids wanted after watching them oooh and ahhh over things on the tv. Then it started.

The stores were going to open at 7:00am so people could get in and get the "good stuff". Then another store would open at 6:00am. I must confess that one year I was one of those crazy people waiting in my car and then rushing towards the door as I saw a person approaching the door and didn't want to be beaten into the store.

But this thing has really gotten out of hand....the stores are now opening at 3:00am. What has happened to us? You do know that all the store needs is one of any item in order to publish it in their circular, right?

People running about crazily and rudely trying to beat others out of that Wii or a particular CD or DVD. We're crazy out of our minds trying to give the best gifts to our kids. In the old days, we got things like a scarf, skates or a bike and boy were we thrilled to the hill. Nowadays, its Xboxes, DS Nintendo and even cell phones.

Ever wonder why our children are the way they are....look in the mirror parents. We're so busy giving our children what we didn't get, we're not giving them what we did get.

We're poisoning our kids. We're not teaching them to respect us or be responsible and certainly not accountable for their actions. It's like we're trying to buy their obedience and love by giving them the best gifts. Maybe then they'll like and love us the best. Doesn't work that way folks.

Maybe we need to sit down and develop a different and more solid gameplan

The Good Life

Today is Black Friday. When I hear that term, I think of something evil....black indicating something dark which in turn conjurs up evil. And in fact it does. The retailers drawing us out of our warm beds so that they can make a buck and claim the prize for making the most money. It also can lend itself to injuries as we saw last year when a woman died in Wal-Mart after being trampled.

It was quiet and as many days start with the same question, the husband surprised me with a different one. How about we go to Truffles and Torte for a waffle? Sounds good to me. Except once there, we learned the waffles are only on Saturday. Bummer....had to settle for an omelet.

Upon our return home with Mitzee in tow, I took her into the back yard to do her business. We were walking the property and just enjoying the weather and being out when I see Martin coming with the ball to play fetch with Mitzee.

As I start to make my way to the "ball throwing area" under the arbor...thoughts of how good my life is come to the forefront. Walking the yard, a dog running happily towards Martin, Martin taking the time to play with Mitzee.

I know these things seem small and yet they are huge.

As a little girl growing up I never really had security. Therefore, to be walking around a yard that I deem beautiful and peaceful is humbling. I never thought I'd own a house and not one as beautiful as this.

Mitzee running with excitement and glee towards Martin is always wonderful to watch. How excited she gets when she hears the garage door go up, when you ask her to go find Daddy, and when he's been gone for several days, you can't hold her down to get to him. There is pure joy and love on both sides and the healing power she has had on both of us is amazing. It's truly amazing how God could create one thing that could love UNCONDITIONALLY and it came in a fur ball..but a cute one.

Martin taking the time to join us in the back yard and play speaks to him prioritizing Mitzee and I as being first in his life. And we are.

So as I walk towards my husband of 13 years, all the memories flood over me and I'm caught up in how much we've gone through, how much we've grown together as one, and how much my love deepens for him continually. I baske in the beautiful 35 degrees with no wind and think, its a good day (on the other side is a brisk wind and a windchill---brrrrr). Then there's THAT DOG. Yep, our dog. The way she cocks her head, the noises Martin gets her to make, the way she snuggles in against you at night, the atheleticism she displays. She had given so much and asked for nothing. It's just the little and simple things that bring me the most joy...they're free....I didn't have to do anything but accept them....Isn't that awesome. And then you know that God has blessed you with all of this and wonder why me?

In high school, we all take a test that is suppose to indicate what we should do with our lives. Guess what I was suppose to be? A nun!!!

Thank God he had other ideas for me or I never would have gotten a dog out of the deal.

Good night all

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. For days prior, people run around making plans for the holiday...who they'll eat with, what's on the menu, and shopping for all the fixings.

How many take the time to really think about what they are thankful for. Below is my list, although long...

God: For staying with me even when I walked away from Him. He was always there behind the scenes watching and probably talking to me, giving me signs, but I wasn't ready to hear or see them. For his grace when I didn't deserve it.

Martin: For picking me up, cleaning me off, and loving me for who I was and allowing me to become the person I am. Standing beside me all the while and all the way to eternity.

Marj (my mother in law) For being the Mom I didn't have. For her mentoring and guidance and education not only in the bible but in men, marriage and people in general.

Carrie: Your beauty shines from within and is like a bright light. Your kind and loving heart is a blessing. Your strenth is amazing!

Michelle: You light up a room with your smile. Your ability to write and to educate and help others is a gift.

Mindi: You've shown yourself to be a mature woman and this trial will ultimately grow you even more. If you weren't already beautiful, you will become even more so.

Meagan: You came into the world fighting for life...You continue to surprize me with things I didn't know about you. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman and I pray that you 1) get the job you want and 2) that God would continue to grow you into the person he wants you to be.

Candice: You are truly amazing. You always tried new things with the courage of a warrior. You entered the Army, went to Iraq and came back to us. You're gentle spirit is something that draws people to you...i.e. everyone is your friend.

Tucker: You were a gift from God. You almost didn't make it into the world. The first moment I saw you I was smitten. May you grow into a loving and kind man and always put a smile on my face.

Ben: When I come to see you and you notice me, I see your beautiful face light up and smile and come to me and it warms my heart as you do to so many. May God always bless you.

Jonathan: You are so amazing...you have grown into such a beautiful little man that everyone is proud of...You bring joy to so many and I pray that through you God will work wonders.

Garrett: From the first time I held you on Thursday, November 12, all I saw was a beautiful gift from God. Whatever his plan for you, we will accept knowing that His will be done and not ours.

Mom: As the anniversary of your death approaches, I am reminded of my actions as a child that weren't always kind. For this I ask forgiveness. To you I am thankful for the traits that you passed on to me and in turn made me who I am. I hope that when I see you again, we can start a new relationship.

For all these people have shaped who I am and have filled my heart to overflowing. Should one person be this blessed?? Is it fair? You bet!! I choose to love and accept these people. Loving is one way to give back. Loving is fun and rewarding. Loving someone unconditionally is the most unselfish act one can perform.

Lord, I am truly for blessed. Blessed as I am and still a sinner. Thank you for not giving up on me, for guiding me, being my strength for me to draw on, to be there as I say thank you for life, love and eternity.

Good night all

A Pain in the Foot

Isn't it amazing how we take our feet for granted or really all of our body parts.

I suffer from neuropathy. This is a chronic nerve pain which starts from my waist and continues down to my feet and into the toes. What this means is that the sheath that covers and protects the nerve ending, in my case is gone leaving the nerve endings exposed and me in constant pain.

Sometimes I have barbed wire around my ankles. Other times I have a vice squeezing my calves....then there's the shooting pain down one leg....most times never the two at the same time. Then there's the knives going into my toes and when the weather gets cold, damp, misty, or frigid, the arthritis in my feet jumps on to the train. Add to that the arthritis in my hands, knees and back and it's a fun time.

Trying to walk on those feet at times can be tricky especially when it feels like you're walking barefoot on glass--but one must go on, mustn't we?

But it's not until we don't have the feet to carry us to the bathroom, the fridge, the car or anywhere do we really understand their importance to our daily lives. We count on them implicity yet give them no regard or respect. Hmmmmm. Something is definitely wrong here.

As for me, since my broken right foot in 2006 and broken toes on the left foot several days later, I'm here to tell you--they get the best care because I now have to. Isn't that the way it goes. We're told to watch what we eat, exercise and take care of ourselves but it's not until we HAVE to that we actually do. I no longer can abuse them because if I walk too much, if I stand too much, exercise, I know that I will pay for it in the evening hours when the foot pain monster comes out to make my life miserable.

Take care of your feet folks....don't take them for granted or any other body part...it's like they say....you only have one set of them.

Uncertainty

On Thursday, November 12th my 4th grandson, Garrett, was born with vein of Galen malformation. On Monday, an angiogram was performed to cauterize the vein and three arteries. Additionally, his liver and kidney functions are not 100%.

On Monday, I had an MRI and dread possibly hearing that I may need back surgery.

On Tuesday, my daughter indicated that she was having issues with her home.

Wednesday brought news that my husband's employment may be in jeopardy.

How often do we take for granted every day things. Life, employment, home, or even our health? We simply go from moment to moment. We have hurricanes, tsunami's, floods, fire, cancer, MS, and lukemia running rampant and yet, we take life so casually. See you tomorrow we say at the end of the workday, talk to you soon as we get off the phone with a relative. Only, in some cases, that chance doesn't come.

My dear brother-in-law, Milton, passed away in his sleep at age 46. He was experiencing chest pains but because of financial reasons chose not to go to the hospital. He didn't know how he would pay for it. So he had a cigarette and went to bed never gracing us with his presence again.

As Martin and I drove non-stop to Crocker, Missouri for his memorial service, we talked of Milton and the memories Martin had with him. Upon arrival, we viewed Milton and Martin broke down crying with I should have, I could have, I wished I had... What does it take?!?!?!?

Nothing is certain except our faith in Jesus Christ. Through him all things are possible (Matthew 19:26); All things work for the good for those who love him (Romans 8:28); and Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus (1 Thes 5:18).

As for me, I am grateful for my faith is in Him and I am truly grateful for all that I have.



Barbara

p.s. My husband asked me once when I was going to grow up, but if it takes remaining child-like to enjoy and see the beauty of life, I hope I never grow up. Sorry honey.

Death and Beyond

In a matter of weeks, it will be 10 years since my mother died. Dec 2, 1999 at 5:30am. It was bitter sweet. My relationship with her was a love/hate one. Depending on the day, decided which it was.

Mom was always working 3 jobs to keep a roof over our heads as Dad left when I was six years old. We didn't have much. We got our shoes resoled every August in time for the new school year. We visited the cousins to see what they had that we could wear.

There was always a list of things that needed to be done left on the table. We were disciplined with the back of the hand. We worked to survive.

It's not until your parent dies that your true feelings and regrets come to the surface.

Dad died at 51 when I was 14. With Mom gone, you realize you're all alone. You no longer have a parent. You go into stores and see Moms with their older children and you're actually envious that they have a mom and you don't.

Lesson here: Don't let pride get in the way of having a good relationship with your parent. Treat them with dignity and respect. They aren't stupid. They have come all their lives on their own resources. Don't belittle them because they are getting older and sometimes forgetful. And don't treat them like they're stupid. They know what you're doing.

Where did we get off knowing or thinking that as our parents get older and we do too, that we are better or more knowledgeable than them. After all, they were here first and did everything first and paved the way first.

Mom, you would have been 90. I miss you. I hope you're well and happy. Please forgive me for all the stupid things I did and said and the many times I hurt you. I love you.....

Your daughter, Barbara

Grandchildren

With two of the five girls married (Carrie and Mindi), I knew it was just a matter of time before I became a grandmother. I would see grandmothers in the store, restaurants, and I knew of some who actually babysat them during the week.

I wasn't sure how I would feel about becoming a grandmother. I wondered if I would feel old and therefore at the end of my term on earth.

Carrie had difficulty conceiving and I believed it would be a few years until Mindi had a child.

Carrie announced that she was pregnant. It was great news and yet it bothered me. What kind of a grandmother would I be? You hear the saying all the time "you fill them up with candy and soda and send them home." I didn't want to be this kind of a grandmother....I wanted to share my faith, love and hug them, be a role model, be there if they needed a hug, someone to talk to and maybe share memories with.

Carrie indicated that I should raise her child like I did her. This scared me--would I, at the age I am, be able to do that? Would I just let them do whatever they wanted. Was I up to the challenge? You see those children in the stores running around, being rude and sassy and I just didn't want my grandchild to be like that.

Carrie had some issues with her pregnancy and as I went to some doctors appointments with her, I found myself getting more and more excited about it. My best friend Debbie has three grandchildren and I found myself asking her questions and getting as much information as I could.

On December 20, 2005 Carrie delivered a beautiful baby boy--Tucker James. He was gorgeous. I was so anxious that day I couldn't stand it. I knew she was in the hospital and I hadn't heard anything. So I drove to the hospital....unfortunately, her room faced the parking lot and she saw my Tahoe coming.

I got to her room and there was Carrie in bed. Roger holding that little bundle. What did he do? He offered me that little bundle. I held him in my arms and you just melt. You count the toes, the fingers. You study the eyelashes, the nose, the chin and the little fingernails. You can't look at this little child and not know this is a miracle from God.

Needless to say, I love being a grandmother....who wouldn't want to just sit with a child on their lap and read, or see their face light up when you come into their view, or have them say "sit by me" to make you feel special and that life is so good.

Again, we come back to the fact that life is a gift.

On November 12, 2009, another daughter, Mindi had a beautiful baby boy--Garrett. As I held him in my arms I again studied him. How can you not love these little ones and the thought of the joy they will bring to one's life.

Little Garrett had some issues just 3 days after being born. Prayers were offered up for him and his family. We must always remember that God has our name written down in the Book of Life. He knows how long and our purpose on this earth. Little Garrett had surgery today to correct a vein at the base of his brain.

After almost three hours, he was out of surgery and came through with flying colors. Prayers answered. This sweet young boy will heal and make us smile and bring us joy I'm sure.

But again we must remember that life is precious!! What must happen for us to take this to heart? Heart attack? Losing someone we love? Or worse yet, someone being a vegetable or altzheimers before we realize we must change and really live life with respect, doing the right thing, kindness and love.

Don't waste another minute--make that change, take that step and reach out to everyone. Life isn't just about you and me and our immediate families. We are all tied together by some small commonality. We're all just trying to get by and have a good life.


End of sermon.....till we talk again.

It Can Happen

When my daughter Carrie was born in 1975, her father indicated that he didn't want her baptized and that she should make her own choice about religion. This very much saddened me but I was a weak and controlled person back then.

Through the years and a marriage or two, I met a wonderful man named Martin. After marrying him, I came to Christ again. As a believer again reborn, I was eager to share my faith with Carrie so that she too could be saved and have eternal life. This did not go well. She at one point indicated that she didn't want to hear anymore God talk and left the house.

On Feb 3, 2009 she was laid off from a job she merely existed at. She didn't really enjoy her work or the people. The first two weeks were ok, but then around the end of the first month, she called and asked "why did God do this to me?"

With conversations about Christ and how he works and what we are suppose to operate it sparked something in her. One day she bought a book called "101 most important bible verses".

She read this book every evening religiously....sometimes reading four or five chapters. She had questions galore. She was learning and absorbing faster than I could keep up.

Then one day she said she was going to go to church and take the boys. This was exciting news. I did however, have some doubt that it would actually happen. But it did and my husband and I were there with her.

She went again the next Sunday, and the next....she committed her life to Christ.

On November 15, 2009 my daughter Carrie fulfilled a life-long desire of mine--that she be baptized into Christ. Not only did she get baptized, but so did my two grandsons, Tucker and Bennett.

I cannot express the joy in my heart and that if anything happened to me I would leave this world with joy in my heart.

To make this day even more memorable, her sisters Meagan, Candice and Michelle along with husbands were there to share in this moment.

As I sat in the church with these children around me, I cannot tell you how proud I was of each and every one of these individuals for who they are and what they bring to my life.

It was a great day!!!!

Love you all

Mom

Children Moving On

Today my baby daughter, Candice and her husband Cameron, closed on their first home. It's a cute little home and one that I'm sure they will be very happy in.

After closing, a bunch of volunteers met to pack them up in our trucks and move her into their new home.

As with any move, you never know where to put things and have to wait for direction. Candice was decisive at times. She also sought out opinion and guidance.

At one point, she exclaimed, I own a home!!! I thought about the joy that was in her voice and also the disbelief.

As the clan drove to Perkins for a bite to eat, I realized that this baby girl that I had protected, taught, and guided all her life was a woman with a husband and about to make her mark and start out on her own.

It's scary and amazing and sad all at the same time. She belongs to her husband now and is merely my daughter.

To say that I love her is minute. To say that I am amazed at what she has accomplished on her own will and determination without her mom, is huge.

I don't think we give our children enough credit for what they can accomplish left to their own devices.

I can only hope and pray for their happiness and health and hope that she will always remember her roots and know where home is.

With all my love

Life

Today I woke up and thanked God for another day and another chance to live right and therefore be an example.

Then I checked my watch and realized that I was a grandma for the 4th time. Another grandson.

As I thought about the last grandson, I wondered how many people take time to really look at life as they pass through it. Does anyone wonder how God planned all the parts that go into a little child upon birth? Do people really take time to look at the sunsets and wonder how those beautiful skies are arranged so beautifully? Does anyone ever take time to really stop and study a beautiful flower?

Everyone is so busy with their daily lives, coming and going from work in what seems like, more than usual traffic. Having to work and then do errands on their lunch hours.

We're so busy saying "life is short", "stop and smell the roses", "life is so precious", but are we really doing anything to appreciate LIFE?

Are we realizing that people as young as 18 are dying of heart attacks, that people are dying of sleep apnea, that just crossing the street can be a danger to our health? So with all of this, why aren't we taking the time to appreciate life more? To be better people, better role models for not only our children but those around us wherever we go?

As for me, I chose to live right, love alot and make every day my last because I truly don't know when my last day will come and I don't want any regrets.

Till next time.....

Children Can Be Wonderful!!

Today I had breakfast with my daughter Michelle. She gets off work and then when she feels up to it, she calls me and invites me to coffee. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't (schedule wise). Today was a good day. We met at Panera and talked and talked.

One issue I had been praying about was her work situation. She's a nurse and had been unhappy in her present job situation. At a recent breakfast with her and my other daughter, I had indicated to her that maybe God was trying to get through to her. Unfortunately, she smiled at me as if to say "yeah, but you don't really know everything!"

Today as we sat and drank coffee, she was her good ole self. Positive, upbeat, happy, smiling, the light of the room. When asked she had indicated that her job situation had changed. I asked her what she had learned from this experience and she came back with "let go, let God".

It is truly gratifying to see a child learn the lessons they need to without too much harm being done and seeing them grow.

As I sat across from her and looked back at where she has come from, you can't but help be happy and prideful and just overflowing with love for this child. Thank you Michelle for your beautiful smile and spirit and all you bring to my life.

p.s. If children are my future, I'm in good shape.