Why Don't We Notice

Tonight at church, the pastor shared with us about a young woman who has twice now (the second being last week), tried to take her life.  We prayed for her as a church and I started to weep and recall all the people I had lost to that ugly deed.

My next door neighbor took her life leaving behind two small children.  A young and talented Air Force man with a wife and two children also took his life.  There are more.  At the beginning on my menopause, I too suffered with these dark thoughts because I knew if I could just make it all go away it would be alright. 

I would crawl into bed armed with my drugs and cry.  I just wanted to be normal, to be right, sane.  I didn't want to have to imprison myself in the house because I didn't know if I was going to be  a good or a bad person in public.

I started thinking about the whole process.  Why is it that we don't see the signs?  Is it because we're out of touch with that person, they hide it well from others?  I know how that woman felt.  At the end of her rope, no other choice, helpless and hopeless and no one able to help--you're all alone and it's up to you. The pain she and those in that situation are faced with is unimaginable.  You are the answer or so we think.  Couple of pills and it'll be quick and easy.  We think, maybe, those who know what I'm going through will understand.  Will they? 

I can only hope that this woman has the family that I did that helped me through my difficult time.  My daughter, Carrie, left work to come and be with me at home until my husband came home.  Meg would come home and she'd ask how I was and instantly be able to read me and know what I needed.  Candice would always give me that beautiful smile that warmed my heart and told me she had a beautiful heart.  My husband went through total hell with me and my menopause and he stood by me day after day, trying to love this impossible woman, this woman who would push him away and say and do ugly things.  It truly was a fire of enormous size. 

As I think about this woman, myself, and others that have passed in my life, I know that if I had not had the relationship with those I love and helped me I probably would not be here today.  Please remember to take stock of your relationships and treasure them.

We Will Always Want Approval

When growing up and even up to the point when I found out my mother was dying, I knew in the end, there was only one thing I needed--her approval, her acceptance of me.  For a while after she died, I was still trying to get it.  After counseling, I realized the only approval I ever really needed was my heavenly Father's.

On Wednesday, I went to the State Fair Grounds with my husband to watch Meagan compete in the Championship Show (forgive me Meg, if I get some details wrong).  She was crowned Queen of her saddle club (NWSC) and was now competing against 19 other queens to be queen over the state.

We watched the contestants warm up their horses going through patterns, backing up, trotting, walking and stopping.  Meg rode around and around just collecting herself.  She would smile and look over at us and wave. 

She took time to help a contestant in the middle of the ring with her 4 year old who had never competed.  She ended up getting off her horse, removing her reigns and passing them to the  young lady for her to use.  She stood there assisting and advising the young lady, until the horse performed what the young lady wanted it to do.    Meg remounted and rode off.

The royalty as they were called competed in a number of different exercises.  As I watched Meg, I recalled watching her ride several years ago and how far she had come.  Once timid and afraid to go fast, now kicking and encouraging Checkers to go faster (and how he loves to go fast)!!!  We watched with baited breathe as she performed her exercise and then waited to see if she would give a wave to the crowd.  She did.  Whew!!  Good job.  I was proud.



Taking Meg to Missouri to college

 I recalled her starting horsey school.  She wanted it so badly and she knew that living would be penny to penny, paycheck to paycheck, but she didn't care.  She loved being with her horses. 

She worked hard at school, I know, I worked a couple shows with her and I don't know how she stayed on her horse and AWAKE!!

She graduated with her degree and yes she gained approval of everyone.  Good thing her boyfriend, Steve, was also a horsey person. Then she took a job in North Dakota working with a trainer.  She learned alot, got paid didly but soaked up everything she could.  Upon her return to Minnesota, she had numerous jobs but the one that always remained constant and that gave her joy was her riding.

She worked Checkers and to see what she can do with just a whistle, a cluck, a kissing noise, is amazing.  I watched this child with joy, and pride and overwhelming love in my heart.  She was riding to perfection.  Her last exercise was riding in the middle of six poles as fast as you can and turning the horse and racing back through those six poles without knocking any over or you were disqualified.  As she turned Checkers and started racing back, one of the poles started swaying, and it tittered and tittered and tittered faster and came to a firm stand again whereupon, Meg, who had finished the run watched and with exhiliration, raised her hand in the air and grinned as big as Texas as the pole stood up.  We were all on our feet, clapping, hollering, whooping.....I was so proud.  I was happy for her.  These were her accomplishments, no one else's.  Our approval came when she turned on her horse, made a heart with her two hands, smiled and exited.  I had my approval.

Sending Meg off to college

Her approval will come from the points earned on each exercise, the time she volunteered around the show, the essay, interview, etc and other work put into this event.  With 20 queens wanting to be state queen, it will be interesting.  But in the end Meg, if you don't win, you are a winner in my book and already queen of my heart and those who know you and love you. 

Good luck on Sunday......we're rooting for you!!!

Love Mom and Martin

Focus!!!

Don't think about how short you've come up but rather how far you've come because of what Christ did for us.  Check your focus!!  Are you living by faith in Christ or trying to live up to the demands and expectations of others???

Good stuff.

Sunday's Words of Wisdom

Temptation is not a sin.  It's what you do with temptation that can be.