I'm Fed Up!!!

I'm usually a pretty happy person.  I grew up, went in the Army, got married and had a child.  Moved lots of times and still I'm diagnosed as a "pretty normal" person.  With that said...….here I go on my rant.

I am in my golden years and I don't even recognize our society!!!!  We have crying rooms for our adult children at college...………..my daughter would say "put your big boy/girl pants on".  The left has wanted and is still trying to take down Mr. Trump (my bible says think of others more highly than yourself), and we have a record 21 democrats running against Mr. Trump.  What!?!?  You think he's going to be afraid and shake in his boots?

Seriously, though.....doesn't anyone wonder what happened to us?  Where we went off the trail?  

I was in Home Depot (the Rental Dept) and a man was checking out.  As he left, I said "have a good day".  He turned around and squinted at me, one second, two seconds, and then said....do I know you?  I said, no, just trying to pass on kindness.  Share it with others please.  Why we can't expect people to be nice to each other??

When you get on the highway, and you're suppose to do that zipper thing where every car alternates letting someone in.....yeah, right!!!  It's all about ME!   Where are the signs that use to say "share the road."  Remember those?  Yeah, when motorcycles were showing up more and more on the roads, the Transportation Department had to put up signs telling us what to do and how to behave....hmmmmmmmmmm, maybe that was the start.

Remember when you'd walk into a store or office building and someone would hold the door open for you and there usually was a thank you, no problem.  Nowadays, would you think they would hold the door for you.  No, it's all about me....you're on your own.  

What are we teaching our children and grandchildren?  Not the things that I grew up with.  Doing chores, being respectful, riding our bikes, etc.  We're so busy giving our children and sometimes our grandchildren what we didn't have, we're not giving them what we did have.

How many of us are teaching/asking our children/grandchildren to do chores?  Or is your response, she's only 4.  Have you taught these children how to vacuum,  clean and dust, how to boil water for goodness sakes.    Can they make a meal for themselves, do laundry and sincerely, sign their name.   What LIFE SKILLS have you taught!!!

I'm tired and frustrated and if the Moon were ready for visitors, I'd be leaving for it.  Humanity, we need to get back to basics, people.....

Difficult Month

I usually get my christmas tree out at the end of September and try to have it up by the end of October.  This year I just couldn't get engaged in the holidays.  We were unemployed in May, and with issues in the family, I just couldn't do it. 

Since marrying Martin, I had worked hard to show the girls what a home should be, what kinds of things you do for the holidays, etc.  But this year I didn't really want to put up a tree.  I just couldn't get excited about anything.

One day I decided I was just going to do the minimum.  Put up the little 3' tree on a table top and let it be.  Do the christmas get together and let it be.  I tried to tell myself since the kids are no longer at home, there wasn't the need to do as much. 

As I started picking up the boys' room from their stay, it came to me.  I needed to put up the big tree, decorate as I would and make the christmas season special.  For who?  The girls?  Nope, for the next generation.  My grandbabies!!!

I remember last year, with everything going on, I just put up the 3' tree on a table.  When my grandson Tucker came over for our christmas, he came in the door, promptly took off his coat dropping it where he took it off, and exclaimed "mommy, look at the christmas tree".  The excitement in his voice was joyous and that brought me back.

As a mom, educator, and role model,  I try to teach our children the ways of life.  With all five girls now married and in homes of their own, it is no longer necessary to do some things for them, and it's all about doing for those precious, beautiful and honest little grandchildren that I love so dearly.

Christmas was celebrated with a full house.  Everyone was in attendance.  Candice took pictures of the event, we ate, played cards, talked, and had a great time.  Have you ever tried to get 3 toddlers to look at the camera and smile all at the same time?  It is a challenge.  It is those very gifts that provide the little kinks in life and at gatherings that make life memorable.

These are my gifts (from left to right):  Bennett, Tucker, Gammi holding Jacek, Papa holding Elliot and Jonathan.  What a handsome bunch and that grandpa isn't too bad either.

I love you all......................Gammi

Blessings!!!?????!!!!!

For the last 11 days we have had my oldest daughter Carrie and her husband Roger and my two grandsons, Tucker and Bennett living with my husband and I.

You see, the heat in their house went out and for two days they struggled to stay in it.  It was only because I hadn't heard from her that I called and the story unfolded.  It's an ugly story of fraud, lying, deceit, dishonesty, despairation and frustration.

But my story is of hope, humility, love, memories, the pitter patter of little feet, discipline, and laughter.  On Tuesday, Dec 7th they moved in.  Roger is a hard worker and won't quit until his body physically shuts down.  Little Tucker is a handful but a beautiful one.  Ben is a surprise at every corner saying words and sentences you would expect from someone much older. Carrie herself displays determination, resilency, courage, strength, composure, and fraility all at once.

We've done so much stuff it's hard to start at any one place.  The boys would wake and Ben would go to Mommy and Tucker would come to Gami.  We'd go downstairs to find Papa already had the coffee made (thank you!!!!) and life was stirring in the house.  The usual questions, what's for breakfast, what would you like to drink, etc.

I like using every turn as a learning experience.  It gives me a connection to them and they learn something and I usually get a smile out of some of their responses. To see Tuck negotiate a few more mini donuts out of Gami was rewarding in that this scenario that I may have used as a kid is still alive and well.  

Teaching the boys to say grace, hold hands and think outside of the box, i.e., themselves and worldpeace and to add to the prayer keeping Daddy safe on the roads, healing our sick bodies, and bringing us back together again were started.   In addition, asking to be excused from the table, the time out chair, and the timer were used as tools. 

My daughter once said of me when I confessed my fear in being a grandparent, that I should raise them like I raised her.  I'm proud of her.  Not because of the way I raised her but what she's done on her own after my influence.  But many times, grandparents would rather just be their friends instead of discplinarians because our time with them is short and we don't want to step on the toes of mommy and daddy.

Tuck and Ben and I went to the grocery store (Cub) and spent 2.5 hours in there shopping, wishing people merry christmas, learning left and right, counting biscuit cans, and being the subject of much attention.

Memories......Ben and I made banana nut bread together, Tucker and I made a fort and played in it, and Tucker and Ben played games on Gami's computer.  Love the lap time and the chance to rub their backs, stroke their hair and kiss, kiss, kiss.  Very important.

Now one might say, 11 days!!!  Whoa, you weren't ready to kill each other.  No, why would I?  I love them.  Yep, I'm a mother in love with her daughter and son in law.  And a gami would loves those two little boys.  Sure, there were times when discipline had to be enforced but the blessings outweighed the discipline times.

Teaching them, loving them, and enjoying who they are--that's what its all about.  I frequently kid that I have a son in law who is a good hugger.  I believe that when you love, you truly hug.  Not those Minnesota nice hugs.  But truly hold each other.  Roger is an excellent hugger.

Friday night it started to snow and it snowed and snowed and snowed.  He went out plowing at 10:30pm and didn't come home until Sunday morning around 7:30am.  I was worried about him and when he didn't call...I kicked up the praying.  When I finally did see him, I told himhe was important to me and this family and that he should call because there are people who would miss him, namely me.  I started to cry.  He put his strong arms around me and hugged me and I cried.  He held me as I cried.  I knew I was loved because he waited until I was ready.  He kissed me several times and said I love you too.  That's hard for some men to say and to hear it from him was more special.

Friday night was promised to the boys to go out and see Christmas lights.  We did and it was realized that the Christmas spirit isn't alive and well.  There were many house without lights.  That can say many things.  I won't speculate.  But the boys were excited, look here gami, I see a Christmas tree, gami the moon is up in the sky, gami, gami, gami.  I don't think there will be a time when I will ever get tired of hearing that.  Yes, I hear it alot between the two of them but it is a sweet sound.

Friday also lead to the heat exchanger put in their house and Carrie indicated that they would be leaving.  Silently I cried.  To take people into your home can be an imposition, when it's family it shouldn't be.  It's a blessing that God brings us because he wants to, because the time is right and special memories will be made, and because we're family and we love each other.

Sure, it's our house and they are family but it doesn't mean that they feel comfortable or happy with it.  They're displaced, not in their own beds and their lives disrupted.  But we came together, helping as much as we could and making the best of it.  I loved it. 

Tomorrow will be a sad day for me because those little boys and that strong woman will leave.  But I have solice in knowing that although they wished to be in their own home, they gave me the best Christmas present--THEM!!!!!

My prayer is heavy:  Lord I pray that you would bind that family together with strength and love.  I pray that every time Roger goes out to plow or work in this weather that you keep him safe and warm and return him to his family who love him dearly.  I pray that you would keep his equipment working and allow him to get the sleep his body needs.  He's a hard worker.  Lord I pray for Carrie that you would give her the strength to continue to do what she does best.....mother, wife and friend.  Continue to work in her to show her your will for her.  Lord for those two precious boys who light up when they see their mommy and daddy, I pray for health and love and happiness that comes from knowing you and from being loved.

Carrie, Roger:  Thank you for the chance to have you here.  I love you both and love seeing what your relationship is growing into.  Please hang in there.  It will get better and you two are doing an awesome job.  Hold tight to each other.

Martin:  The sacrifice you made was immeasurable and can never be repaid.  Please know how much I love you and how proud that I can call you my husband.

Tucker, Ben:  Thank you for being special little boys, for challenging gami, for keeping me young and active and on my toes.  For the special memories we made and the smiles and love you gave me.  I will cherish this time always. 

With much love to you all....................

My Life's Lessons

You know, I've just about been through it all.  My parents fought like cats and dogs throwing things at each other and all we could do was duck.  I was abused and have little memories of my childhood.  I was mugged on the Army base where I was stationed.  Lost a child, have had three mini strokes (each one getting stronger), have suffered from insomnia for 14 years, suffer from chronic pain, and have arthritis in my neck, spine, hands, knees and feet.  Lesson #1:  All these things can be overcome and yes, you can have a great life!!

But one day while visiting a friend in the hospital, I asked the wife to join me outside for coffee (she looked like she needed a break).  As we sat at the table she asked me how I was doing and I proceeded to tell her.  Then I turned the tables and found out about her and her health issues.....wow!!!  Did I feel selfish!!  Lesson #2:  Someone always has it worse than you!

In 1991 my chronic chest pains started and it really made me stop and re-evaluate life.  My dad had died at 51 and I was only 38!!  I had three beautiful children and God said, Barb, start living and appreciating life, see my handiwork all around and in everything--I did it for you.  Lesson #3:  Take time to look at life--all of it!!

God made each of us the way HE wanted us to be.  Therefore, being God, he really did know what he was doing when he made me like me, my husband like him, my children who they are and my neighbors like they are.   My sister use to tell me "God created us differently so we would be unique but just enough alike to get along".  Lesson #4:  Variety is the spice of life.  People are the spices of life.  Indulge and enjoy!!!

p.s.  I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters.  Because my sisters are not quite like their siblings, they are not included with the rest of the family.  Sad isn't it? This happens more often than you may think.  Moral:  You are not to judge, that responsibility is given to ONE person and it isn't you!!!!  

People are continually rushing here and there.  On their lunch hours, they may be doing errands so they can go straight home to the family.  They may be rushing home to change clothes, pick up kids and go off to something at school.  In any case, we're ALL busy!!!  Lesson #5:  Take time to look around you at the world.  Did you see the sun setting?  Did you see the awesome display of art in the sky as you drove to work?  Ever wonder how that happens?

I use to be one of those who never thought about being a stay at home person.  What would I do.  I often wondered what stay at home moms did.  In 1997 I was given the opportunity by my husband to be just that.  What would I do?  Well, I can tell you it was a transition.  After about 6 months, my husband asked me if I was enjoying staying at home.  I told him, I don't know how I worked and did everything I was doing.  If you think that just because someone is a stay-at-home mom or they're unemployed, that they're doing nothing--think again!!!  Beds still need to be made, laundry needs to be done, groceries bought, dinners prepared, dusting, vaccuuming....it all takes time.  Lesson #6:  If you have someone cooking your dinner for you, doing your laundry, buying your groceries so you don't have to, please be appreciative.  They could probably use an ada boy or girl.


I'm a gardener and for years my family all wondered when it would stop.  Why would you want to stop something that brings you so much joy?!?!??!?  Sure, it's work...but in the end, it's a labor of love.  Weeding is therapuetic and gives me a sense of accomplishment.  It gives me time to be alone with my thoughts, talk and maybe hear from God, work through problems, and pray.  But seeing the things that He created and when they come into bloom, you can't help but stand there in awe!  Did you know that the petals on a daisy are not all the same?  Did you know that impatiens may look dainty but are actually very strong.  Once planted, you just water and leave alone --they'll do the rest.  Did you know that dandelions have two times each year when they will flower?  Lesson #7:  Really, take time to smell the roses, look at the flowers, play in the grass and roll in the leaves.

For the first three years of marriage I was told I was sterile.  No birth control and no children.  One morning, I was getting ready for work, had my uniform on and started out the door and that feeling came over me and I ran back for the bathroom.  Upon visiting the doctor, he told me my rabbit had died.  I didn't have a rabbit!!!  He told me I was pregnant.  I can't be, I'm infertile.  Nine months later, a beautiful blue eyed, blonde hair little girl came into my life.  I didn't know what to think or do with her.  But she was my best effort.   I know have three daughters and two step daughters.  They have given me 6 grandsons (all in a row)!!!  I try to make sure we see them as time and schedules permit.  Upon leaving town and returning, I'm ready for a grandbaby fix.  If God wanted us to go through life alone, would he have given us that gift of reproducing?  Of finding love?  Lesson #8:  Really, you've heard it a million times, FAMILY IS IMPORTANT.  All of your family.  Not just the ones you like, or the ones you get along with but all of them. 

After years of being who I wanted to be, God took charge and started changing me into who He wanted me to be.  This was easy but created some issues for me.  I learned and changed a lot.  The little things that use to stress me no longer concerned me as much.  Some examples:  my house NOW can be clean, can be tidy and doesn't need to be spotless.  If something is hanging from the ceiling or rolling around on the floor and it bothers you, do something about it!  When something is spilled, guess what?  It can be wiped up.  Flexibility is the name of the game.  Rolling along and being ready to help out.  Enjoying the ride and not complaining about the bumps.  Lesson #9:  Enjoy life and those in it.  The voice of my grandson Tucker, coming in the house and taking off his coat, seeing the Christmas tree and exclaiming "Mom, there's a christmas tree!"  It was said with the innocence and delight of a child.  We should all strive for that.

We didn't have a dog when I was growing up.  My oldest had three labs.  I wasn't too much of a dog person until they came to live with me.   It only took me several days before I found myself getting up early so I could take them out to potty and play with them.  These three dogs taught me an important lesson.  They were all labs but all had special personalities.  But they all got along and played with each other and enjoyed each other.  I found out that having a dog is probably one of the best things in life (besides chocolate and grandbabies).  They are the ONLY thing that will love you unconditionally.  Your husband, mother, sister, friend, cousin, basically a human being cannot do that. 

My husband realized after Bear Bear left us that I needed a dog.  The dog gave me a peaceful state of mind, I seemed more relaxed and was able to deal with my pain better.  So in Jan, 2009  we purchased a yorkie/llahsa mix.  Weighing in at 4.5 lbs she was adorable.  It didn't take long (oh not more than an hour) that she had made her way into our hearts and our bed.  This dog was sent to us from above.  He gave us the perfect dog at the right time.  She has kept us entertained, knows when I'm feeling bad, will keep my side of the bed warm, likes to cuddle up to me pushing me and my husband off the bed, loves to play fetch, loves to play ball in the snow and loves to ride with her head out the window.  She's amazing and giving.  She's our Mitzee. Lesson #10:  Unconditional love is hard to find, hard to give but always welcomed.  Love is awesome when used appropriately and given freely.  Try it, you might like it.

My last words of wisdom:  Expect nothing, you'll never be disappointed.  You get something you weren;t looking for, and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Merry Christmas to one and all.  I challenge everyone that this Christmas feeling, the time when we want to be better people, help more, give more etc.  Keep this feeling all year round, every single day and reap the rewards.   

Thanksgiving 2010

Thanksgiving came and with turkey, rolls, desert, drink and family the house was warm and cozy and filled with voices and people that create more memories for me.  

At this time, how can one not take stock of their life and be thankful?   I'm a firm believer that no matter what you have or how little you think you have, someone is worse off. 

As we go into our 7th month of unemployment, peace and joy fill not only our hearts but our home.  No, a job is not in sight.  But what we do have is each other, fairly good health, the love of each other, our God, and our children.  These things are riches to us and to others that I know, only wishes that they could have.

We don't have a job but we have a roof over our heads, a car to get us places and two feet to assist in that venture.

We don't know how things will turn out, if staying in Minnesota is an option, but we know that we are not alone in our quest.  So many Americans are unemployed at this time and we just joined another family to be with.  We also know that we do not walk this path alone, that our Heavenly Father is walking with us, guiding us and giving us the peace and direction that we need.

We just welcomed our fifth grandson, Jacek into the world and family.  What a cutie he is and rolling over at just 2 months.  His smiles are like his mother's that light up a room, he looks like his father and is a joy to all.

December is a tough month for me.  It is not only the month my mother was born in but the month she died in thereby tainting Christmas (which everyone who knows me, knows it's my favorite holiday).  My son in law's birthday is also on the same day as my mothers.  My fourth grandson went home to the Lord in December so it really is a busy month and one, that if you let it, will take you down into the pit.  However, I continue to be thankful that my mother gave to so many thereby making her a blessing to others.  My grandson showed me in 29 days the character he was made of and is now being caressed by his Heavenly Father, his great grandfather and other loved ones.

Life is difficult at this time, not because of being unemployed but it's that time of the year that with the holidays that really become a burden to people and they give in under the weight of it all.

So I choose to be thankful.  I live with chronic pain and insomnia, I have bursitis, and a hip that will need to be replaced.  Pain is very present in my life.  But what is more present is the desire to live each day, smile, enjoy life and to be appreciative for whatever I have.  And if I don't have something then God must not want me to have it.

So Lord, as we pass from Thanksgiving to Christmas and the birth of your son, I am thankful that you gave me another day to be a reflection of you, to see my girls, to see and take care of my grandsons, to return to the roots of parenting, to seeing my grandsons put tinsel on the tree, to answer many why? from Bennett, to hear Tucker say bless you papa as his grandfather sneezed, to hear Bennett ask Papa to make him a rocket, to walk with them and Mitzee and see them playing in the snow.  To talk with a woman in Caribou and learn that her mother died of breast cancer at 56.  To share a smile and receive a hug from her because I cared enough to stop and talk.  To being able to support my friends in their present circumstances.  To be able to take part in the day you have put before me never knowing what I will be called upon to do.

Thank you Lord Jesus for loving me.